Marshmallows, Graham Crackers, and Chocolate Bars (A Family Reunion Part 5)

family reunion
Marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars.

You awaken from your bizarre dream to find a room filled with sunlight and the sound of birds singing outside your window.

It seems like the beginning to another beautiful day…but it isn’t is it?

The fateful day has arrived–you’ll be heading to the big family reunion today.

But before you reach that beast and its’ belly, you must stop at a convenience store because you’ve been tasked by your Uncle Finster to bring marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars.

He could have simply told you to get makings for s’mores, but your uncle believes you to be imbecile. He once described to you in great detail the proper way to push a button. To this day he shakes his head in disapproval every time he sees you push a button.

As you enter the store you nod to the cashier Rodney. Rodney is married to your cousin Matilda. When his shift is over at the store, he’ll be making an appearance the big family reunion.

He nods back to you with a look of resignation generally reserved for those on death row.

As you meander through the aisles, muttering to yourself about what a jackass your Uncle Finster is, a pair of masked men burst into the store.

That’s odd you think to yourself, ski masks are unusual attire, especially in the middle of July.

Then one of the masked men clumsily produces a gun and demands the cashier hand over all of the money from the register.

Rodney jumps back and yells, “don’t shoot me–I have a pet python named Monty that needs me.”

Most people would think it strange that Rodney would mention his pet snake and not his wife Matilda in a life threatening situation. But you know between the snake and Matilda, Matilda is the coldblooded one.

Rodney pulls the bills from the register and shoves them at the masked man.

As this is unfolding, you are demonstrating all the bravery that one can muster while crouched behind a display of Fruit Loops.

Just as the masked man appears to be exiting the store he turns back toward Rodney, points his gun at him and says with a chuckle, “just a pair of knickers then.”

“What?” Rodney responds confusedly.

“You know, from the Monty Python sketch,” the masked man explains.

Rodney just gapes at him.

The masked man sighs impatiently. “The sketch where John Cleese is a bank robber, but he mistakenly goes into a lingerie shop and winds up just asking for a pair of knickers.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sorry,” the masked man says defensively, “I just stupidly assumed you were a Monty Python fan.”

“Why do people always say that?” Rodney demands.

“Well…I would suspect because you named your pet python Monty.”

“Monty is named after my wife’s uncle Monty–he’s kind of a snake.”

He’s right about that you think.

“Never mind then,” the masked man says dejectedly, “we’ll just go then.”

“Wait,” the second masked man finally chimes in, “I need to get marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars.”

You bolt upright the instant you hear the voice as you and Rodney exclaim in unison, “Cousin Roscoe?”

Next Post: The Hostage Situation.


Monty Python
“Just a pair of knickers then.”